unfriendliest | subdivided

...He would.

[ kara rolls his eyes and brings the rice over. ]

He's annoying sometimes, but he can be trusted more than most people here.

[lili will wait then, but also]

Oh?

That's an awful lot coming from you.

[she's bad with people but kara is worse, somehow]

[ somehow kara doesn't think he's supposed to out mikazuki so he's not going to answer that as truthfully as he'd like ]

Tsuru trusted him, too.

[ that alone means a lot to kara ]

[ . . . . hmmmm.]

... I suppose - but Tsurumaru seemed like he was rather open-hearted to me.

[he was so friendly...]

Though I suppose you obviously knew him better than I did.

He doesn't trust as easily as you think.

[ tsuru's pretty open, yeah, but only about things that don't really matter ]

But he's better at finding those he can trust than I am. And he wouldn't have given his necklace to Lune if he didn't trust him, too.

[ at least he hopes not ]

[hmmmm.

lili will just tilt her head at that before moving on to at least help herself to the food. she's pretty happy with her own seafood stew. it'll take her a second to think about it]

Tsurumaru reminded me of my king.

[which is a little scary, imagining someone ruling a kingdom but acting like tsuru,,]

At the very least, it makes me feel better to know that he's able to keep helping in his own way. I asked him what it's like over there - but he just said he's playing dating sims and learning about romance.

[ kara doesn't get a chance to ask if being compared to her king would be a good or bad thing because he's immediately distracted with wondering what the fuck a dating sim is ]

Lune did tell me they were reading about human courtship.

[ all to tease him about lili but he's not going to say that, he's tired ]

I'm not sure why - it's not that interesting.

[she says, having a meal with her crush.]

I wonder if they're being entertained, at least...?

They probably just want to fully understand everything they're gossiping about.

[ stupid old men ]

[well that's kind of funny and lili can admit it]

... I don't know if those emotions are ever something that could be fully understood.

[as has been made obvious that her initial explanation to kara was lacking a bit]

They're sort of just something you feel, I think.

[ it's not funny when it's directed at him

but he'll give her a flat stare over the food at that ]

Maybe I should tell him to talk to Kaoru.

Please don't joke about my partner making contact with the dead any more than he absolutely has to.

[does kara know they're partners]

I'm going to guess you haven't made any progress in figuring out how you feel?

[not that she's waiting or anything]

Lune isn't dead.

[ ...oh. he pauses, looking down at the food as if it might have the answers, but it offers him nothing beyond the tantalizing smell of the stew. ]

I'm... trying to figure it out. I know I like spending time with you more than anyone else here, but I'm still not sure how to tell if it's... a crush.

[ he wishes he had something more to offer, but emotions are hard ]

[ . . . . that's such an earnest answer she wasn't expecting it

fuck

she feels guiltyl now]

.... I didn't mean -

[ugh. she tries to fight down a blush but can't really succeed]

... it's okay if it is or isn't...

I don't know how to tell the difference. Kaoru made it sound more complicated than you did - like it's how you feel about a friend, but different. It's... difficult to understand.

[ honestly he's more frustrated with the not knowing than lili asking ]

[ . . . . ugh. she frowns at that, settling for taking a bite of rice while she tries to think of a way to explain it]

... it feels odd, to be the one to try to give you an answer. Because I don't want to lead you to one, that might make you think you like me that way - it's sort of something that you have to recognize for yourself, almost...

People feel it different ways in the first place...

But for me, it's -

[she hesitates, her tongue getting caught for a second]

... It's something I can't really help, even if I should probably know better. A feeling that I don't want to bother denying, even if it's inconvenient.

It's fine.

[ he does understand why it might be better to ask for advice from someone who isn't involved... though kaoru is the only one he can think of? but he's the one who confused kara about this in the first place.

anyway he consider her explanation for a moment before shaking his head ]

...I don't know if that's it, for me.

[she tilts her head at that]

... mm, right. It probably wouldn't be.

[she's a little disappointed, but it's only because she just started to get her hopes up a little. it feels a little silly but -

she'd said it before. she's not sensible enough just to give up because it's not going to work out. she doesn't bother denying her feelings anyway.]

I'm not going to try to convince you, one way or another.

[ he sighs. ]

I'll figure it out. When I do, you'll know the answer, whatever it is.

[ kara can promise her that much, at least. ]

... okay.

[ . . . she wonders if it'd be easier to abandon hope here, but that's not really her style, is it?

but she will just glance up at him, tilting her head]

... I'm fine with things as they are too, you know. I don't mind... this.

[eating together, cooking together, sparring together, talking, the occasional date -

it's too bad she's not modern and doesn't realize they might already kind of be dating?]

...I know.

[ lili has made that clear from the moment she first told him about this whole crush thing. he can appreciate that. ]

But... I want to know, too.

... mm. If you're human now, you might as well get the chance to find out.

[more or less human anyway. a body, emotions, free will.

she'll go back to eating though]

It's inconvenient, but it's kind of fun once you get used to it. Liking someone. I hope you get to feel it eventually.

[ he tilts his head, curious ]

Fun?

[she pauses, contemplative on how to explain it]

... maybe it's just because I didn't have the chance to get to know a lot of people, or because I didn't bother since I don't get along with most others, but...

I don't think it's a bad thing - to actually find someone I respect. I feel less like I'm strange, for holding onto the beliefs that I do.

It makes me feel -

['You make me feel' - ]

A little less alone, I guess.

[ that alone tells him a lot, but he still wonders where the distinction comes in. so he continues to eat while he considers her words. ]

...I don't mind being alone.

[ how many times has he told her that now...? ]

But I don't mind having company either, when it's you.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject